Gender Narratives

The other day, my significant platonic other started telling me about someone he was interested in. He usually does, when he fancies someone, and I’m really glad that he feels able to do so. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bad reaction to him mentioning something like that – though I think it’s fair to say that it does tend to bring up a lot of insecurities for me, and they can loom large over both of us. But the other day I felt practically no discomfort whatsoever about the idea of him being interested in this woman.

Why?

Because she’s transgender.

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Phantom Jealousy

As I alluded to in my last post, for a while now I’ve been working on a piece about labels, how they’re used and what they might indicate.

This is not that.

The entire point of this blog is to write about my feelings while I’m feeling them, as a way of processing them and sharing my experiences. Last week something happened which very suddenly triggered a lot of feelings for me, and since then I’ve been working to analyse and understand those feelings. So for now, the labels post is taking a backseat and I’m focusing on what’s actually been going on. I suspect it isn’t likely to be as thoughtful or musing as some of my other posts – mostly I just want to give narrative and shape to the way I’ve been feeling.

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On Sex; Or, The Lack Of It

I’ve been thinking about sex a lot recently.

An unexpected statement, perhaps, for an asexual. And a vague one, too; it might be more accurate to say I’ve been trying to understand why sex is so important.

In some ways, I suspect these sorts of thoughts are probably unavoidable; I’m an asexual in a non-sexual relationship with someone who likes sex, so it’s understandable that this could bring up some insecurities on my part. What I’ve been feeling lately isn’t exactly insecurity; it’s more like the occasional distant worry about the future, with a bit of confusion, curiosity and sometimes sadness in the mix too.

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A Significant Platonic Other

Over the past few months I’ve experienced a significant shift in my life. I’ve spent a lot of that time feeling an overwhelming mix of happiness, excitement, jealousy, confusion, optimism, sadness, gratitude and anxiety, all to a degree which I was largely unprepared for. It’s a relief to be able to say that I no longer feel unprepared to feel any of these things; I now find myself in a much healthier headspace, one in which I am able to understand and accept my own emotions, and challenge the negative ideas I appear to be holding on to.

Having access to other people’s experiences has been extremely helpful to me in this regard. I’ve come across so many resources in both the polyamorous and aromantic communities which recount the experiences of people in situations similar to my own, and these have allowed me to feel validated and more positive about the future.

But it occurred to me a few weeks ago that while I’ve come across many accounts of similar situations, I’ve yet to find someone in exactly the same situation as me.

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